15 Pound Baby
Can someone tell me when the media turned childbirth into a 4-H Club contest? I turned on the news this morning to watch a newsanchor slobber all over this story. Words like "wow" and "amazing" kept getting tossed out like this behemoth infant were a prize winning heifer at the State Fair.
Are your kidding? Is the size of this kid really that much of a shock? Look at the boy's mother for crying out loud. That woman is heavy. And that's not babyweight, that's long-term lifestyle heavy. Her husband is no featherweight either, but next to her, even HE looks diminutive.
Any why is this story getting "wow"s and "awesome"s from the media table anyway? This is a kid, not a cabbage. You do not get high scores for birthing heavyweights, you get childhood health problems like diabetes, early arthritis, and obesity (there's a shocker). Just look at the pictures of this poor boy. He just looks wrong. But positive media attention is the reward. That's just great. Need we guess what kind of message that sends to people who crave attention? Get fat! Have fat kids! Have LOT'S of kids too! Odds are good you will be featured on National News at the very least. But hey...fat...health problems....AND a horde of kids? Hellloooo TLC Channel!
(When did The Learning Channel = Obesity, Little People, and SuperBreeders? Anyway...)
And the proud parents are nicknaming him "butterball". They call his sister "pork chop" (born at more than 11 pounds). My how sweet. One would hope such "nicknames" would vanish once a child was old enough to understand it's given name...but from what I've seen in my extended family...nicknames are for LIFE.
I can just hear it now...that girl will be getting ready to walk out the door with her date for Prom, and Mom walks up with the camera saying "Smile Pork Chop!"
But yeah. I Googled "heavy babies" and got lot's of results pointing towards the health concerns for these kids. Once this one's 15 minutes of fame are over, he's just destined to be another trundling toddler without the energy to play.
Sad.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
A Tale of 2 Lap Babies
Story 1 – Last year I was sitting in First Class for my 5 hour flight, and I noticed that there was a Lap Baby present. The child was clean and dressed in nice but comfy clothes. The parents were equally well dressed. The child was happy, and took pleasure in attention in an undemanding way. When the child got a little fussy (once….in 5 hours), the parents quickly conferred with each other, and Mom took the child to the bathroom promptly.
Story 2 – Three days ago, I was sitting in First Class for my 5 hour flight, and I noticed there was a Lap Baby present. The child was sloppy in a threadbare onesie pajama. The parents were dressed in a fashion that…well…I honestly had to wonder how in fuck they’d managed to be seated in First Class (my first thought was that a Walmart somewhere was missing some customers). The child was frequently screaming, and when it wasn’t, it tried to crawl over the backs of seats to reach for the heads of folks sitting behind, or was on the floor grabbing the ankles of the folks sitting in front. It was eventually handed off to stewardesses who practically demanded the kid after 5 minutes of the parents just ignoring the shrieks (they were able to keep the kid quiet…but the parents couldn’t? Hmm).
After the Lap Baby in First Class last year, I had been pleased that there were still people who took the trouble to take care of their kids, and see to it those children were not a burden to others. I had been happy to share First Class with this peaceful and responsible little family who made me feel a glow that their child would be part of the future.
Then I encountered the striped pajama monkey three days ago. If anything, the difference between the 2 stories highlights the difference between parents and breeders. Parents do not assume the world at large is responsible for, or has to put up with their children. Ever. Breeders assume that children are meant to be tolerated….by themselves and everyone else. Nice.
Thing is…I travel First Class as much as possible just so I can avoid small children. It’s not that I can’t put up with cranky kids on a short flight, anyone can do that. But my flights are NEVER short. At least one leg of my travel is going to be about 4 to 5 hours no matter what. That is a long time to put up with disruptive children. Especially the ones travelling as Lap Babies. What are people really saving by not purchasing a seat for their young child? This depends highly on the length of flight of course.
Think of a young child as a wiggly little thermonuclear reactor that makes various levels of noise in relation to its discomfort. Ever have a cat sit on your legs? It’s sleeping peacefully, and you don’t want to disturb it…but your thighs are cooking off and your feet are asleep! How long can you tolerate just the weight and increasing heat of a housecat on your lap? Time it. Seriously. Find out just how long you can tolerate that. If you are miserable after an hour...think of how you will feel cramped in a plane seat with dry air and pressure changes, turbulence, or overhead announcements upsetting your very young child.
Also consider…eventually (after your legs have fallen off) the cat finally gets to feeling too warm, and moves off your lap. At least, it’s going to try to. You have to force it to stay right there. I hope your cat is declawed. What happens when your lap baby overheats on the plane? If you have someone travelling with you, at least you can pass the kid back and forth and that cuts down on some of the discomfort for all involved, but it doesn’t relieve much if the child in question is just plain tired of being held. If you think the vocalizations of the protesting cat are annoying, just wait until junior starts up because he doesn’t get that you can’t put him down. Unless you are one of those people who doesn’t realize the travel realities of beverage carts and people going to the bathroom, or you just don’t care…you cannot reasonably put your baby on the floor of a commercial aircraft.
Oh, and if you are one of those people who think your child has every right to be wherever you put them even the aircraft floor, other people and service personnel be damned, consider this: Just how well do you imagine the plane is cleaned between flights? Those maintenance folks are in a hurry, and stuff is often missed. I once found some of the stuff that gets missed, and guess what? Folks taking insulin shots can be just as inconsiderate and thoughtless as Entitle-Moos who think their kid should be able to crawl everywhere they want. I found used insulin needles in the magazine pocket once. You need to read that again? I found USED NEEDLES!
One can only guess what charming wonders your little one could find on the floor. Would you like to guess how many prescription pills accidently get dropped during a flight? Some of that stuff is potent. Not even a whole intact pill would be needed to affect a young child, and you know everything that touches their hands will eventually end up in their mouth. Even if it’s just powdered remains of a pill crushed into the floor the vacuum cleaner missed, the results could be life threatening. Would you let your infant crawl around licking the floor of a New York subway car? No? What is the difference besides less graffiti and a little more upholstery?
But what the heck, let’s say your baby is truly a wonder. It falls asleep on every flight, never cries, and never wants to roam the aircraft. It is perfectly and blissfully content to smile at appreciative stewardesses and fellow passengers in passing, and makes Tibetan Monks look agitated and disruptive in comparison. You are very lucky.
It still might be good to get an idea of the frequency of clear air turbulence on your flight route before you decide to just lap your baby. Taking a look at sites like this could be helpful, but it’s a sketchy and unreliable sort of prediction. Especially if you are booking a flight a couple months in advance, a few days of clear air turbulence tracking is not going to be that useful. People can get injured by clear air turbulence. And only the people wearing seat belts diligently (even when the sign is turned off) are going to be safe from being bounced around like a dried pea in a tin can.
I know air travel is safer than travelling by car. That is going to be true if you consider crashes to be the only significant danger of travelling by air, but as I pointed out with the needles and dropped medications earlier, what you need to be concerned with are specific dangers that affect YOUR CHILD. We already know that we cannot physically hold children safe from the force of inertia in a minor car collision we can see coming. Do you really believe you can be more successful against inertia when you can’t see it coming? The danger of clear air turbulence is minimized in our minds, despite knowing it can cause injuries and fatalities, simply because it rarely results in the crashing of the entire plane. The news of 2 people dying from getting knocked around is overwhelmed by the relief that they whole plane did not go down.
If a grown adult at 120+ lbs can be fatally knocked around as a result of clear air turbulence, do I really need to point out what happens to a 20 lb. lap baby? My imagination doesn’t really want to go there, and it doesn't have to. There are some descriptions in the articles linked in the next paragraph.
But if it’s really a danger, why do airlines allow lap children? I can hear you asking me that. Because when you consider the biggest risk being clear air turbulence…the odds are in your favor. The airlines are willing to let you take that risk based on those odds. They do not want to lose revenue and use the travel statistic of air being safer than car as their justification to allow unsafe practices. See? And there’s this article, and this one. And no surprise, there are those trying to abolish the practice….but like every safety feature and FAA regulation…rules are not laid down without sufficient blood.
I may not want kids, and I may find screaming babies annoying as hell, but I think they do deserve more safety consideration than they are currently getting from the FAA. And given that consideration, even story 1 with the good lap baby deserves a little more parental awareness. When every other mode of transportation requires safety seats by law…you have to wonder why the FAA would just say it’s okay to “hold ‘em on your lap”. This is Federally Endorsed Neglect disguised by “intent to help you save money” folks. YOU are required to wear the seat belt, secure your property, and even secure THEIR crappy tray table (that is broken ½ the time)…but your kid? Nah. Just hold it.
Either accept that children cost travel money as much as you do, and see to their safe transportation, or do not travel until they are big enough to justify the cost (for you) of purchasing a seat.
Story 2 – Three days ago, I was sitting in First Class for my 5 hour flight, and I noticed there was a Lap Baby present. The child was sloppy in a threadbare onesie pajama. The parents were dressed in a fashion that…well…I honestly had to wonder how in fuck they’d managed to be seated in First Class (my first thought was that a Walmart somewhere was missing some customers). The child was frequently screaming, and when it wasn’t, it tried to crawl over the backs of seats to reach for the heads of folks sitting behind, or was on the floor grabbing the ankles of the folks sitting in front. It was eventually handed off to stewardesses who practically demanded the kid after 5 minutes of the parents just ignoring the shrieks (they were able to keep the kid quiet…but the parents couldn’t? Hmm).
After the Lap Baby in First Class last year, I had been pleased that there were still people who took the trouble to take care of their kids, and see to it those children were not a burden to others. I had been happy to share First Class with this peaceful and responsible little family who made me feel a glow that their child would be part of the future.
Then I encountered the striped pajama monkey three days ago. If anything, the difference between the 2 stories highlights the difference between parents and breeders. Parents do not assume the world at large is responsible for, or has to put up with their children. Ever. Breeders assume that children are meant to be tolerated….by themselves and everyone else. Nice.
Thing is…I travel First Class as much as possible just so I can avoid small children. It’s not that I can’t put up with cranky kids on a short flight, anyone can do that. But my flights are NEVER short. At least one leg of my travel is going to be about 4 to 5 hours no matter what. That is a long time to put up with disruptive children. Especially the ones travelling as Lap Babies. What are people really saving by not purchasing a seat for their young child? This depends highly on the length of flight of course.
Think of a young child as a wiggly little thermonuclear reactor that makes various levels of noise in relation to its discomfort. Ever have a cat sit on your legs? It’s sleeping peacefully, and you don’t want to disturb it…but your thighs are cooking off and your feet are asleep! How long can you tolerate just the weight and increasing heat of a housecat on your lap? Time it. Seriously. Find out just how long you can tolerate that. If you are miserable after an hour...think of how you will feel cramped in a plane seat with dry air and pressure changes, turbulence, or overhead announcements upsetting your very young child.
Also consider…eventually (after your legs have fallen off) the cat finally gets to feeling too warm, and moves off your lap. At least, it’s going to try to. You have to force it to stay right there. I hope your cat is declawed. What happens when your lap baby overheats on the plane? If you have someone travelling with you, at least you can pass the kid back and forth and that cuts down on some of the discomfort for all involved, but it doesn’t relieve much if the child in question is just plain tired of being held. If you think the vocalizations of the protesting cat are annoying, just wait until junior starts up because he doesn’t get that you can’t put him down. Unless you are one of those people who doesn’t realize the travel realities of beverage carts and people going to the bathroom, or you just don’t care…you cannot reasonably put your baby on the floor of a commercial aircraft.
Oh, and if you are one of those people who think your child has every right to be wherever you put them even the aircraft floor, other people and service personnel be damned, consider this: Just how well do you imagine the plane is cleaned between flights? Those maintenance folks are in a hurry, and stuff is often missed. I once found some of the stuff that gets missed, and guess what? Folks taking insulin shots can be just as inconsiderate and thoughtless as Entitle-Moos who think their kid should be able to crawl everywhere they want. I found used insulin needles in the magazine pocket once. You need to read that again? I found USED NEEDLES!
One can only guess what charming wonders your little one could find on the floor. Would you like to guess how many prescription pills accidently get dropped during a flight? Some of that stuff is potent. Not even a whole intact pill would be needed to affect a young child, and you know everything that touches their hands will eventually end up in their mouth. Even if it’s just powdered remains of a pill crushed into the floor the vacuum cleaner missed, the results could be life threatening. Would you let your infant crawl around licking the floor of a New York subway car? No? What is the difference besides less graffiti and a little more upholstery?
But what the heck, let’s say your baby is truly a wonder. It falls asleep on every flight, never cries, and never wants to roam the aircraft. It is perfectly and blissfully content to smile at appreciative stewardesses and fellow passengers in passing, and makes Tibetan Monks look agitated and disruptive in comparison. You are very lucky.
It still might be good to get an idea of the frequency of clear air turbulence on your flight route before you decide to just lap your baby. Taking a look at sites like this could be helpful, but it’s a sketchy and unreliable sort of prediction. Especially if you are booking a flight a couple months in advance, a few days of clear air turbulence tracking is not going to be that useful. People can get injured by clear air turbulence. And only the people wearing seat belts diligently (even when the sign is turned off) are going to be safe from being bounced around like a dried pea in a tin can.
I know air travel is safer than travelling by car. That is going to be true if you consider crashes to be the only significant danger of travelling by air, but as I pointed out with the needles and dropped medications earlier, what you need to be concerned with are specific dangers that affect YOUR CHILD. We already know that we cannot physically hold children safe from the force of inertia in a minor car collision we can see coming. Do you really believe you can be more successful against inertia when you can’t see it coming? The danger of clear air turbulence is minimized in our minds, despite knowing it can cause injuries and fatalities, simply because it rarely results in the crashing of the entire plane. The news of 2 people dying from getting knocked around is overwhelmed by the relief that they whole plane did not go down.
If a grown adult at 120+ lbs can be fatally knocked around as a result of clear air turbulence, do I really need to point out what happens to a 20 lb. lap baby? My imagination doesn’t really want to go there, and it doesn't have to. There are some descriptions in the articles linked in the next paragraph.
But if it’s really a danger, why do airlines allow lap children? I can hear you asking me that. Because when you consider the biggest risk being clear air turbulence…the odds are in your favor. The airlines are willing to let you take that risk based on those odds. They do not want to lose revenue and use the travel statistic of air being safer than car as their justification to allow unsafe practices. See? And there’s this article, and this one. And no surprise, there are those trying to abolish the practice….but like every safety feature and FAA regulation…rules are not laid down without sufficient blood.
I may not want kids, and I may find screaming babies annoying as hell, but I think they do deserve more safety consideration than they are currently getting from the FAA. And given that consideration, even story 1 with the good lap baby deserves a little more parental awareness. When every other mode of transportation requires safety seats by law…you have to wonder why the FAA would just say it’s okay to “hold ‘em on your lap”. This is Federally Endorsed Neglect disguised by “intent to help you save money” folks. YOU are required to wear the seat belt, secure your property, and even secure THEIR crappy tray table (that is broken ½ the time)…but your kid? Nah. Just hold it.
Either accept that children cost travel money as much as you do, and see to their safe transportation, or do not travel until they are big enough to justify the cost (for you) of purchasing a seat.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Question For the Day: Ft Hood Jerk
Been on vacation, but now I'm back.
During my vacation (on my Birthday no less) the Ft Hood Massacre took place.
And a rare thing has occurred...the perpetrator of this violence was apprehended before he could off himself.
The jerkoff is in the hospital with his four gunshot wounds...but he's awake and talking.
Now...here is the question for the day:
What is it like to be the nurse who has to go into his room and interact with him?
Does he or she say "Good Morning" to the person responsible for killing 13 people and wounding 29 others?
And what about little "accidents"? Granted, the guy is likely under guard, but how excited are they likely to get if the nurse happens to oops and drop his orange juice in his lap? So what if it happens 3 or 4 times with every meal?
Of course I suppose it's possible there are no nurses taking care of his day to day requirements at all. Could just be MPs changing his bedding and serving his meals. But the same questions apply.
It is so rare for mass killers like this to survive, there really isn't a "How To" guide for the folks who have to take care of his needs. And he's not in a correctional facility hospital yet. So it's not like he's being treated by people who deal with murderers regularly at this time, unless caregivers with this experience have been temporarily reassigned to this Army hospital.
So perhaps the question is moot in reality.
But what whould you do if you had to be this guy's nurse? What minor torments (if any) would you employ?
During my vacation (on my Birthday no less) the Ft Hood Massacre took place.
And a rare thing has occurred...the perpetrator of this violence was apprehended before he could off himself.
The jerkoff is in the hospital with his four gunshot wounds...but he's awake and talking.
Now...here is the question for the day:
What is it like to be the nurse who has to go into his room and interact with him?
Does he or she say "Good Morning" to the person responsible for killing 13 people and wounding 29 others?
And what about little "accidents"? Granted, the guy is likely under guard, but how excited are they likely to get if the nurse happens to oops and drop his orange juice in his lap? So what if it happens 3 or 4 times with every meal?
Of course I suppose it's possible there are no nurses taking care of his day to day requirements at all. Could just be MPs changing his bedding and serving his meals. But the same questions apply.
It is so rare for mass killers like this to survive, there really isn't a "How To" guide for the folks who have to take care of his needs. And he's not in a correctional facility hospital yet. So it's not like he's being treated by people who deal with murderers regularly at this time, unless caregivers with this experience have been temporarily reassigned to this Army hospital.
So perhaps the question is moot in reality.
But what whould you do if you had to be this guy's nurse? What minor torments (if any) would you employ?
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