So in the news recently it came to light that Trijicon has been embossing bible verses within the serial numbers on gun scopes distributed to military forces in Iraq and Afghanistan.
I can only shake my head. It’s easy for everyone in America to call bullshit when Islamic leaders profess their religion as being one of peace while at the same time their more zealous members strap bombs to their bodies and get on airplanes. But when you try and point out that Christianity is a bloody minded cult as well…folks are either confused or in rabid denial.
Bible verses on gun sights.
In a funny way, I find that worse than the muslim suicide bombers. These are gun sights being used to target people. And not just people...
A.
Single.
Person.
You don’t use a gun sight to take out a whole crowd at once. You use it to focus on a single person. A person. Not a deer or a bunny…our guys overseas are not out there to bring home the meat. Their targets are specifically human.
A shooter has time to see the face of his victim. They may have just heard a really good joke, or were just thinking about their family, and that final expression is what the shooter sees before ending his life.
It is part of war and no, it’s not pretty, but some assfucker at Trijicon wanted a product stamped with a bible verse to be part of that gruesome process!
What is really messed up are the folks who think this practice helps support our troops. Um…how? Only by attaching magical thinking and superstition to the presence of these verses on military equipment. How is this different from rubbing a rabbit’s foot, or tossing a penny in a well hoping for good fortune? This type of thinking is discouraged in the bible (look it up yourself)…but these folks think it is okay to treat the bible like its magic.
And with all this circular reasoning and hypocrisy…I’m supposed to have respect for religious people?
Not going to happen.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
Getting Myself Under Control
Weight loss is a frequent New Year’s resolution. People joining gyms, and for a month of two, are pretty dedicated at the attempt.
Problem is, they’ve often shocked their system, and or are engaged in dieting behavior, and not lifestyle behavior.
What is the difference?
Dieting behavior is extreme. People don’t intend to diet forever…just until they get to where they want to be. And that is part of why diets utterly FAIL.
Dieting is not complementary to life. And it’s not obvious at first. A couple weeks go by…and you are sticking to the plan feeling pretty proud of yourself. Then it happens.
Life.
And by life, I mean something happens to jostle or upset the routine. Humans are not machines. We are alive, and as a result…life happens. Your friend has a birthday party (cake is not part of the diet plan), or your work schedule gets changed (now you have to pick a new workout time). And even if you don’t eat a bite of cake at the party, and you can re-schedule your gym workout without a hitch…something has still happened emotionally. A mild, almost unnoticeable sensation of aggravation or maybe annoyance because the Plan was threatened.
And guess what? Life is going to happen again. And it will wear your resolve away. Your car breaks down, and you miss a workout. Your boss brings in warm cinnamon rolls and it’s been a crap day. Or you start emotionally compensating to make up for how you’ve been depriving yourself…you had your workout…you’ve earned a hamburger!
And without meaning to, you’ve slowly slid off the wagon. Diet Fail. You have to try again, only now you are discouraged by the failure, so guess what’s probably going to happen again?
A change in Lifestyle behavior is a better goal. Successful weight loss, weight that comes off and stays off, does not happen quickly.
The first question than must be answered is: How “in shape” am I satisfied with being?
That really is an important question. Because what you have to accept, is the lifestyle that goes along with your notion of the “ideal” body might not be compatible with your own life. If you want to look like an Olympic athlete, you have to dedicate yourself to the athletic lifestyle. There’s no way around that, and there are only so many hours in the day.
The first level of “in shape” you should consider as a goal, is one your doctor is less worried about. This means losing enough weight to get your blood pressure into the normal zone. Lifestyle goals are reasonable goals. This is not about a tv show where you lose 50 pounds in 3 months. If you were getting paid to get in shape, yeah fast weight loss would be a reasonable goal, but most of us can’t afford to quit our jobs for three months for some kind of Booty Boot Camp, we have to make do with what time we have.
A lifestyle change does not have to happen quickly. That is the good thing about it. You don’t start your lifestyle on Monday (that’s a diet mentality). It's also not about becoming "thin". Define thin. If you are pointing at a picture that is not of you, you are already making an error. Chances are, whoever you are pointing at has a completely different body type. And if you picked a professional photo...that image has been airbrushed and altered more than you probably realize. It is not real. This is about a real body, to go with your real life.
I started with getting my sugar under control. This doesn’t mean sugar never passes my lips, it means I’m aware of the sugar passing my lips, as well as what type of sugar it is. High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS), is off the menu for me. I find that foods containing it do less to make me feel full, so I keep eating them.
I’d also decided to try and steer clear of overly processed foods in general. While the makers of HFCS and other modern food products like to loudly proclaim their products do not contribute to obesity, the fact is people were thinner before highly processed foods hit the market.
So I try to eat plenty of real foods. If I can’t pronounce it, why should I eat it? But that actually increases my awareness of what I eat, because frankly the food tastes fuller (and better). Taste is part of how we start to feel full. If we eat something with very little flavor, we end up eating a lot more of it. My food tastes good, and I KNOW I just put a pat of real butter on there...so I watch how much of it I eat.
A real food goal for me was a challenge that took a long time to start being successful at. Mostly because when I started that goal, I did not yet have a working stove or oven. I ate out of the microwave. I do have a working range now, but since it’s usually just me, I have little interest in spending more than 20 minutes preparing a meal.
Next was getting control of how MUCH I ate. This meant re-training my eating habits. I stopped eating with the tv on for the time it took to re-train (I do eat with it on now, but my attention is on my food now). The American meal training is thus “As fast and as much as possible, in the time you have”, which is not what you want. The way I eat now involves eating slowly enough to taste my food. Part of why having full flavored food is important…you will notice the flavor of your low-fat diet meal is not up to par if you are still eating that crap. Eating slowly means my body has time to get full and tell me it’s full. And full means satisfied…not barely able to move.
Next came the calorie calculator. I use this one. I’m not the type of person who has any interest in counting every damn calorie (that’s a dieting behavior). But having an idea of how many calories I eat to maintain my current weight…and trying to eat a couple hundred calories below it each day…that is fairly reasonable.
It became pretty clear at this point that increasing my activity level was required. The calorie calculator I’d picked wouldn’t go below a certain number of recommended calories per day, but my body was compensating by dropping my metabolism down a hole and making me feel like crap. Sure, it would mean I had to eat more, but more physical activity meant raising my metabolism. Notice, I don’t call it “exercise”. Exercise means different things to different people. To me it sounds like an arduous punishment. That’s not something I want in my lifestyle. My main physical activity is something I enjoy.
Walking. I like walking. I just happen to do it faster and more often than I used to. I also make an effort to do a lot more of it on the treadmill while I watch something on tv.
Now…it probably doesn’t sound like I’m doing all that much. But I also walk during my breaks at work, I take the stairs whenever and wherever I can, and I park far from the door when I go somewhere. I make physical activity happen as part of my life.
Here is the result. I started working on these changes back in April of 09 and continued (with gradual increases in speed and duration of walking) up to the middle of October 09. During that time I went from weighing 157 pounds to weighing 140.
I then went on vacation, and really have not been on the treadmill regularly…except just enough to keep me at 140 (weight maintenance is easy compared to losing it). It is now time to increase my physical activity again to continue what I’d started. I’d met the goal, my blood pressure is well down and my doctor is happy.
So now I’m setting a teeny goal. The reason its teeny…is because it’s a weight loss goal which is a dieting behavior. But small is doable. I’m going to drop to 135 and see if I can maintain that (which I’m sure I probably can). What is NOT a dieting behavior...I'm not setting a strong time limit on myself to get down to 135. Let's say...before spring-ish. Here is the thing...even if I don't reach my goal, I figure so long as my weight doesn't go up, I'm doing good.
A bathroom scale is obviously mandatory. I figure that was a big contributor to my original weight gain in the first place, that and living out of the microwave and eating lot's of restaurant food....but the biggie was that scale. I did not KNOW I was gaining in the first place, so it was able to get out of control.
Notice what is critically different about a lifestyle plan yet? There are no eating restrictions that could result in negative emotions, or poor self-image. I do not miss fat or sugar, because I eat fats and sugars. I make sure to eat more good fats, and I stick to sweet things made with cane sugar when I do eat them.
So far...it works!
Problem is, they’ve often shocked their system, and or are engaged in dieting behavior, and not lifestyle behavior.
What is the difference?
Dieting behavior is extreme. People don’t intend to diet forever…just until they get to where they want to be. And that is part of why diets utterly FAIL.
Dieting is not complementary to life. And it’s not obvious at first. A couple weeks go by…and you are sticking to the plan feeling pretty proud of yourself. Then it happens.
Life.
And by life, I mean something happens to jostle or upset the routine. Humans are not machines. We are alive, and as a result…life happens. Your friend has a birthday party (cake is not part of the diet plan), or your work schedule gets changed (now you have to pick a new workout time). And even if you don’t eat a bite of cake at the party, and you can re-schedule your gym workout without a hitch…something has still happened emotionally. A mild, almost unnoticeable sensation of aggravation or maybe annoyance because the Plan was threatened.
And guess what? Life is going to happen again. And it will wear your resolve away. Your car breaks down, and you miss a workout. Your boss brings in warm cinnamon rolls and it’s been a crap day. Or you start emotionally compensating to make up for how you’ve been depriving yourself…you had your workout…you’ve earned a hamburger!
And without meaning to, you’ve slowly slid off the wagon. Diet Fail. You have to try again, only now you are discouraged by the failure, so guess what’s probably going to happen again?
A change in Lifestyle behavior is a better goal. Successful weight loss, weight that comes off and stays off, does not happen quickly.
The first question than must be answered is: How “in shape” am I satisfied with being?
That really is an important question. Because what you have to accept, is the lifestyle that goes along with your notion of the “ideal” body might not be compatible with your own life. If you want to look like an Olympic athlete, you have to dedicate yourself to the athletic lifestyle. There’s no way around that, and there are only so many hours in the day.
The first level of “in shape” you should consider as a goal, is one your doctor is less worried about. This means losing enough weight to get your blood pressure into the normal zone. Lifestyle goals are reasonable goals. This is not about a tv show where you lose 50 pounds in 3 months. If you were getting paid to get in shape, yeah fast weight loss would be a reasonable goal, but most of us can’t afford to quit our jobs for three months for some kind of Booty Boot Camp, we have to make do with what time we have.
A lifestyle change does not have to happen quickly. That is the good thing about it. You don’t start your lifestyle on Monday (that’s a diet mentality). It's also not about becoming "thin". Define thin. If you are pointing at a picture that is not of you, you are already making an error. Chances are, whoever you are pointing at has a completely different body type. And if you picked a professional photo...that image has been airbrushed and altered more than you probably realize. It is not real. This is about a real body, to go with your real life.
I started with getting my sugar under control. This doesn’t mean sugar never passes my lips, it means I’m aware of the sugar passing my lips, as well as what type of sugar it is. High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS), is off the menu for me. I find that foods containing it do less to make me feel full, so I keep eating them.
I’d also decided to try and steer clear of overly processed foods in general. While the makers of HFCS and other modern food products like to loudly proclaim their products do not contribute to obesity, the fact is people were thinner before highly processed foods hit the market.
So I try to eat plenty of real foods. If I can’t pronounce it, why should I eat it? But that actually increases my awareness of what I eat, because frankly the food tastes fuller (and better). Taste is part of how we start to feel full. If we eat something with very little flavor, we end up eating a lot more of it. My food tastes good, and I KNOW I just put a pat of real butter on there...so I watch how much of it I eat.
A real food goal for me was a challenge that took a long time to start being successful at. Mostly because when I started that goal, I did not yet have a working stove or oven. I ate out of the microwave. I do have a working range now, but since it’s usually just me, I have little interest in spending more than 20 minutes preparing a meal.
Next was getting control of how MUCH I ate. This meant re-training my eating habits. I stopped eating with the tv on for the time it took to re-train (I do eat with it on now, but my attention is on my food now). The American meal training is thus “As fast and as much as possible, in the time you have”, which is not what you want. The way I eat now involves eating slowly enough to taste my food. Part of why having full flavored food is important…you will notice the flavor of your low-fat diet meal is not up to par if you are still eating that crap. Eating slowly means my body has time to get full and tell me it’s full. And full means satisfied…not barely able to move.
Next came the calorie calculator. I use this one. I’m not the type of person who has any interest in counting every damn calorie (that’s a dieting behavior). But having an idea of how many calories I eat to maintain my current weight…and trying to eat a couple hundred calories below it each day…that is fairly reasonable.
It became pretty clear at this point that increasing my activity level was required. The calorie calculator I’d picked wouldn’t go below a certain number of recommended calories per day, but my body was compensating by dropping my metabolism down a hole and making me feel like crap. Sure, it would mean I had to eat more, but more physical activity meant raising my metabolism. Notice, I don’t call it “exercise”. Exercise means different things to different people. To me it sounds like an arduous punishment. That’s not something I want in my lifestyle. My main physical activity is something I enjoy.
Walking. I like walking. I just happen to do it faster and more often than I used to. I also make an effort to do a lot more of it on the treadmill while I watch something on tv.
Now…it probably doesn’t sound like I’m doing all that much. But I also walk during my breaks at work, I take the stairs whenever and wherever I can, and I park far from the door when I go somewhere. I make physical activity happen as part of my life.
Here is the result. I started working on these changes back in April of 09 and continued (with gradual increases in speed and duration of walking) up to the middle of October 09. During that time I went from weighing 157 pounds to weighing 140.
I then went on vacation, and really have not been on the treadmill regularly…except just enough to keep me at 140 (weight maintenance is easy compared to losing it). It is now time to increase my physical activity again to continue what I’d started. I’d met the goal, my blood pressure is well down and my doctor is happy.
So now I’m setting a teeny goal. The reason its teeny…is because it’s a weight loss goal which is a dieting behavior. But small is doable. I’m going to drop to 135 and see if I can maintain that (which I’m sure I probably can). What is NOT a dieting behavior...I'm not setting a strong time limit on myself to get down to 135. Let's say...before spring-ish. Here is the thing...even if I don't reach my goal, I figure so long as my weight doesn't go up, I'm doing good.
A bathroom scale is obviously mandatory. I figure that was a big contributor to my original weight gain in the first place, that and living out of the microwave and eating lot's of restaurant food....but the biggie was that scale. I did not KNOW I was gaining in the first place, so it was able to get out of control.
Notice what is critically different about a lifestyle plan yet? There are no eating restrictions that could result in negative emotions, or poor self-image. I do not miss fat or sugar, because I eat fats and sugars. I make sure to eat more good fats, and I stick to sweet things made with cane sugar when I do eat them.
So far...it works!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Happy New Year!
Well, it was a busy season. December 23rd saw me in the ER for abdominal pains. I was useless for the five days following. No idea as to the cause.
New Year’s was nice and quiet. Played some dominoes and finally started eating some holiday foods (had been eating “carefully” since the ER trip).
I’m not sure what it is about New Year’s, for me it’s always the forgotten holiday every year. I spend two months planning and getting ready for Christmas…and then after that holiday is over, someone asks me what my plans are for New Year’s and I’m like: “Oh! New Year’s! Umm…”
Every damn year I forget New Year’s! So often, I wind up really not doing anything because I forget about it until a day or two before. And it is such an intensely social holiday, I need all the time after Christmas to emotionally prepare myself for the partying. So if I forget (which I always do) until too late, by that time I REALLY have no desire to do the New Year’s thing at all so I do something quiet instead.
And as other peace-lovers know, doing something quiet for New Year’s is not looked on favorably by our more social family members and friends. Admit to someone you spent that evening at home enjoying a good book while watching the ball drop in Times Square on tv, and folks wonder what is wrong with you.
I do have some good news though, I bought a camera. Never been much into taking pictures, because I figured I wasn’t really that good at it. But then, I don’t think I’ve really put any more effort into the activity beyond point-and-shoot…and randomly guessing whether or not I need to use a flash (often taking the same pic with, and without flash), and somehow hoping that my photos are going to turn out good. If anyone reading this really is into photography, you can likely guess how often my pictures have disappointed me. Especially since I’ve always been super frugal about my shots, and never adjust anything on the camera other than the auto-zoom feature.
Now I’m going to take a real stab at TAKING good pictures, instead of hoping my pictures wind up looking good (I’m going to figure out what all those other buttons really do!). The reason this is good news of course is that this blog is likely to get some pictures on it.
Fingers Crossed!
New Year’s was nice and quiet. Played some dominoes and finally started eating some holiday foods (had been eating “carefully” since the ER trip).
I’m not sure what it is about New Year’s, for me it’s always the forgotten holiday every year. I spend two months planning and getting ready for Christmas…and then after that holiday is over, someone asks me what my plans are for New Year’s and I’m like: “Oh! New Year’s! Umm…”
Every damn year I forget New Year’s! So often, I wind up really not doing anything because I forget about it until a day or two before. And it is such an intensely social holiday, I need all the time after Christmas to emotionally prepare myself for the partying. So if I forget (which I always do) until too late, by that time I REALLY have no desire to do the New Year’s thing at all so I do something quiet instead.
And as other peace-lovers know, doing something quiet for New Year’s is not looked on favorably by our more social family members and friends. Admit to someone you spent that evening at home enjoying a good book while watching the ball drop in Times Square on tv, and folks wonder what is wrong with you.
I do have some good news though, I bought a camera. Never been much into taking pictures, because I figured I wasn’t really that good at it. But then, I don’t think I’ve really put any more effort into the activity beyond point-and-shoot…and randomly guessing whether or not I need to use a flash (often taking the same pic with, and without flash), and somehow hoping that my photos are going to turn out good. If anyone reading this really is into photography, you can likely guess how often my pictures have disappointed me. Especially since I’ve always been super frugal about my shots, and never adjust anything on the camera other than the auto-zoom feature.
Now I’m going to take a real stab at TAKING good pictures, instead of hoping my pictures wind up looking good (I’m going to figure out what all those other buttons really do!). The reason this is good news of course is that this blog is likely to get some pictures on it.
Fingers Crossed!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
The Holiday Incident
This was a little strange.
Last night I was stretched out in a recliner enjoying the warmth from the woodstove. I had a mug of rich creamy eggnog (Mmm nutmeg!) close at hand. From another room came the soft instrumental of White Christmas on the radio. I was feeling all drowsy and at peace with the world, when I started to hear something outside. I smiled, thinking “Carolers” when it dawned on me that it was too early in the Season yet for that.
So who were the people I could hear outside?
I went to the window and looked out. There was a mob on my front lawn trampling my snow. I might have ignored them entirely, but they had pitchforks and flaming torches.
And they were incredibly angry.
Concerned, I took another long sip of my eggnog.
“Down with the Atheist Agenda! Save Christmas!” I heard one of them yell. Well that got me a little annoyed. I went to my computer and quickly checked over my official copy of the Atheist Agenda, thinking there was something to worry about.
I went through it line by line….eating christian babies?...check…banning prayer in churches?...check…beating little old ladies on their way to Sunday Services?...check…
I went through the whole Plan. Nothing in it had anything to do with Christmas. I relaxed. I’d worried than someone in our ranks had spilled the beans and been telling tales. The person on the lawn had just been guessing.
From outside, I heard someone else cry out “We will win the War on Christmas! Save the Season!”
Shit. War? War.
I put down my eggnog. This was serious. I carefully reached for a gingerbread cookie. No cookie crumbs fell into my computer keyboard. That was good.
I checked Our website, expecting to see text of our leaders gravely discussing our declaration of War on the religious holiday.
Nothing was there.
I checked our affiliates, thinking maybe someone had gotten a little overexcited about something and fired the first shot prematurely.
Nope. So…who declared war on Christmas? I googled.
Christians. Wow. Christians had declared War on their own Seasonal celebration, but were trying to pin it on everyone else! I dunked my gingerbread into my eggnog and nibbled while listening to the rabble on my front lawn.
I was going to have to pull out the big guns to get those nutters away from my house. This was going to get messy.
Having decided, I went to my desk and grabbed three of my chosen weapons. 40% Off coupons for some big name game console at a nearby electronics store.
Regretfully, I tossed them off the balcony and into the crowd. The punching, kicking, and biting started before I’d even made it back inside.
By the time I’d finished the Religious Incident Report for my local Chapter of Evil, it was all quiet on my front lawn.
I made plans to call some friends the next day to help me with the mess outside. I did go outside briefly to gather some pitchforks and the remains of the torches. Their handles would make a nice addition to my woodstove.
Oh! Tragedy! My snowman was demolished! And bloody snow doesn’t hold together well, or look very nice. I would have to bring out the plastic Frosty the Snowman.
Just like last year.
Last night I was stretched out in a recliner enjoying the warmth from the woodstove. I had a mug of rich creamy eggnog (Mmm nutmeg!) close at hand. From another room came the soft instrumental of White Christmas on the radio. I was feeling all drowsy and at peace with the world, when I started to hear something outside. I smiled, thinking “Carolers” when it dawned on me that it was too early in the Season yet for that.
So who were the people I could hear outside?
I went to the window and looked out. There was a mob on my front lawn trampling my snow. I might have ignored them entirely, but they had pitchforks and flaming torches.
And they were incredibly angry.
Concerned, I took another long sip of my eggnog.
“Down with the Atheist Agenda! Save Christmas!” I heard one of them yell. Well that got me a little annoyed. I went to my computer and quickly checked over my official copy of the Atheist Agenda, thinking there was something to worry about.
I went through it line by line….eating christian babies?...check…banning prayer in churches?...check…beating little old ladies on their way to Sunday Services?...check…
I went through the whole Plan. Nothing in it had anything to do with Christmas. I relaxed. I’d worried than someone in our ranks had spilled the beans and been telling tales. The person on the lawn had just been guessing.
From outside, I heard someone else cry out “We will win the War on Christmas! Save the Season!”
Shit. War? War.
I put down my eggnog. This was serious. I carefully reached for a gingerbread cookie. No cookie crumbs fell into my computer keyboard. That was good.
I checked Our website, expecting to see text of our leaders gravely discussing our declaration of War on the religious holiday.
Nothing was there.
I checked our affiliates, thinking maybe someone had gotten a little overexcited about something and fired the first shot prematurely.
Nope. So…who declared war on Christmas? I googled.
Christians. Wow. Christians had declared War on their own Seasonal celebration, but were trying to pin it on everyone else! I dunked my gingerbread into my eggnog and nibbled while listening to the rabble on my front lawn.
I was going to have to pull out the big guns to get those nutters away from my house. This was going to get messy.
Having decided, I went to my desk and grabbed three of my chosen weapons. 40% Off coupons for some big name game console at a nearby electronics store.
Regretfully, I tossed them off the balcony and into the crowd. The punching, kicking, and biting started before I’d even made it back inside.
By the time I’d finished the Religious Incident Report for my local Chapter of Evil, it was all quiet on my front lawn.
I made plans to call some friends the next day to help me with the mess outside. I did go outside briefly to gather some pitchforks and the remains of the torches. Their handles would make a nice addition to my woodstove.
Oh! Tragedy! My snowman was demolished! And bloody snow doesn’t hold together well, or look very nice. I would have to bring out the plastic Frosty the Snowman.
Just like last year.
Monday, December 7, 2009
My Relationship, My Business
So I was reading some True Confessions in the Singles section, and I started to see several variations of an "instruction" that I recall being influenced about somewhat as I was growing up (they really should re-name that website Trainwreck Confessions as there are some doozies, but anyway...).
Here it is in a nutshell: "Ladies, if He is not proposing within a year, leave him and move on. You are wasting time that could be spent on someone who WILL commit."
Maybe when I was younger, I might have considered this to be "good" advice. But now I look at these "confessions" and as I google around, honestly I find the priorities valued in this statement and others like it to be absolutely abhorrent and mercenery.
According to the Society that values such a statement...the state of Being Married is more important than WHO you are getting married to. And if a guy is not willing to shell out the money for The Ring (oh the shallow BS I've overheard regarding that ornament!), go through the ordeal of a wedding, and set up house with you within a certain timeperiod...nevermind how happy he makes you, or how content you feel about your relationship with him. Sorry, your relationship has exceeded its 'Sell By' date and must be discarded.
I'm really glad my parents raised me to see my independence and self-sufficiency as the highest priority. I never saw marriage as my life's "goal". The folks didn't raise me to view marriage as the finish line. Actually, the only finish line I had, was to complete college and get a job that paid enough for me to be able to support myself. EVERYTHING else I've done since then, is all my own.
Marriage is not something I NEED to do, or am SUPPOSED to do. I suspect that takes a lot of pressure off, as I watch other women go absolutely nutballs obsessing over their looks, their clothes, and stressing out over some arbitrary self-imposed time limit.
I remember one female associate of mine had just had her 23rd Birthday, and she said to me that she would have to get serious because: "I've got to be married before I turn 25, or I'll be the biggest Freak."
I remember those words quite well, especially as I was 25 myself when she said this to me. I occasionally wonder what became of her. Did she meet her deadline? Or did she realize that the deadline for obtaining a significant other paled in comparison to developing and loving her significant self?
I celebrated my 33rd Birthday last month. I spent it with my BF and my family at his place having a lovely dinner (he's a fabulous cook) and enjoying being together. Yet according to the "one year" BS, I should have moved on a long time ago. That is just appalling to me. I'm happy. A lot happier than I've been in relationships past. I'm not going to sabotage something wonderful because it doesn't fall into "acceptable" Social "values".
But other women would do so. They would leave, or threaten to leave a wonderful man. They would hold the relationship itself hostage in pursuit of a perceived Finish Line...a Happily Ever After (not so happy if you are issuing Ultimatums), without realizing that a Life together only begins with a wedding. The wedding is not the end.
A Life Shared seems more precious and valuable to me than a ring, a dress, or a wedding. I wish other women felt the same way, and could see themselves as whole people instead of incomplete halves.
Here it is in a nutshell: "Ladies, if He is not proposing within a year, leave him and move on. You are wasting time that could be spent on someone who WILL commit."
Maybe when I was younger, I might have considered this to be "good" advice. But now I look at these "confessions" and as I google around, honestly I find the priorities valued in this statement and others like it to be absolutely abhorrent and mercenery.
According to the Society that values such a statement...the state of Being Married is more important than WHO you are getting married to. And if a guy is not willing to shell out the money for The Ring (oh the shallow BS I've overheard regarding that ornament!), go through the ordeal of a wedding, and set up house with you within a certain timeperiod...nevermind how happy he makes you, or how content you feel about your relationship with him. Sorry, your relationship has exceeded its 'Sell By' date and must be discarded.
I'm really glad my parents raised me to see my independence and self-sufficiency as the highest priority. I never saw marriage as my life's "goal". The folks didn't raise me to view marriage as the finish line. Actually, the only finish line I had, was to complete college and get a job that paid enough for me to be able to support myself. EVERYTHING else I've done since then, is all my own.
Marriage is not something I NEED to do, or am SUPPOSED to do. I suspect that takes a lot of pressure off, as I watch other women go absolutely nutballs obsessing over their looks, their clothes, and stressing out over some arbitrary self-imposed time limit.
I remember one female associate of mine had just had her 23rd Birthday, and she said to me that she would have to get serious because: "I've got to be married before I turn 25, or I'll be the biggest Freak."
I remember those words quite well, especially as I was 25 myself when she said this to me. I occasionally wonder what became of her. Did she meet her deadline? Or did she realize that the deadline for obtaining a significant other paled in comparison to developing and loving her significant self?
I celebrated my 33rd Birthday last month. I spent it with my BF and my family at his place having a lovely dinner (he's a fabulous cook) and enjoying being together. Yet according to the "one year" BS, I should have moved on a long time ago. That is just appalling to me. I'm happy. A lot happier than I've been in relationships past. I'm not going to sabotage something wonderful because it doesn't fall into "acceptable" Social "values".
But other women would do so. They would leave, or threaten to leave a wonderful man. They would hold the relationship itself hostage in pursuit of a perceived Finish Line...a Happily Ever After (not so happy if you are issuing Ultimatums), without realizing that a Life together only begins with a wedding. The wedding is not the end.
A Life Shared seems more precious and valuable to me than a ring, a dress, or a wedding. I wish other women felt the same way, and could see themselves as whole people instead of incomplete halves.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
A Few Words On The Holidays
Just to let you know, I’m not the most holiday oriented person. My decorating is limited to one battery operated desk-friendly snowman with shifting colored lights in his belly, and two mini stockings (purple) nailed to the bedroom door.
I give the snowman a couple fresh batteries, and the stockings stay nailed to the door all year long. A holiday scented wax tart gets popped in the wax warmer and that my friends, is the extent of my festive expression for the season.
My mother always finds my seasonal expressions to be insufficient. I don’t think a year goes by anymore without her calling me “Scrooge” at least once regarding my lack of decoration (we celebrate Christmas in her well-decorated home every year, if I’m not celebrating gift exchange at my place, what is the point?), and my expressions of distaste regarding what passes for Christmas music these days.
I’m sorry but songs about children starving, grandma’s dying, and wives fighting a losing battle with cancer are not “touching”, “sentimental”, or “inspiring” to me. These songs are depressing as hell. I’m not sure when it came into vogue for Christmas songs to be tragic odysseys of melancholy despair…but it’s not a trend I enjoy one bit. I’ll listen to White Christmas or Jingle Bell Rock, but I don’t want to listen to heart gouging glurge. Tears in my eyes and a giant lump in my throat are not Christmas-y to me.
“But WhiteRaven, aren’t you an atheist? What are you doing celebrating a religious holiday at all? Isn’t that an admission that you actually believe?”
Christmas is just one of the current names for this celebration. The celebration itself is older than that name, or its older names like Yule or Saturnalia. The celebration is more important than the name attached to it, and I can say Christmas just fine without bursting into flames, though I usually stick to “Happy Holidays” as a greeting as it covers everyone regardless of their religious proclivities. I occasionally have had people angrily say “Merry CHRISTmas!” in response to my preferred salutation. I find this ironic and hypocritical as supposedly this is the season for peace on earth and goodwill to all mankind, yet some Christians are steadfast Holiday Hogs and don’t want to share the Season with the rest of us. And yes, I single out the Christians on this one, as I’ve never had anyone rudely snap back with “Happy HANNUKKAH!” or “Happy KWANZAA!” when I greet them with Happy Holidays. There may be some touchy celebration hoggers in those camps too I’ve just not encountered them.
I mentioned before that the celebration is more important than the name attached to it. What do I mean by that?
I’m referring to the psychological value of social connection. I will admit I’m a hermit. It’s not that I don’t value the people in my life I just don’t have that need to connect on a regular basis with people beyond my intimate circle. My mother (and I’m sure other folks) sees this as a flaw, and express that I need to “try harder” without really understanding what this means for introverted little me. I let the people closest to me know I care with specifically chosen gifts, and online shopping is my best friend in the world. Less actual shopping means less stress for me, and more people I’m willing to get gifts for, and my social circle can expand a touch as a result.
Funny, but the Santa Claus concept represents a figure that makes me look extroverted by comparison.
Think about it. The guy spends 364 days with just his wife, some reindeer, and elves (non-humans). Then on one night a year, sneaks into every home in the world to leave carefully chosen presents for people while they are ASLEEP. If that doesn’t say “I want you to know I care about you, I just don’t want to have to deal with you.” I don’t know what does.
Like Santa, it won’t kill even the most reclusive amongst us to take the time to think on our loved ones and see to it we show our appreciation by giving them a gift that shows we really DO pay attention to them, and appreciate their interests even if we don’t tell them so all the time.
I give the snowman a couple fresh batteries, and the stockings stay nailed to the door all year long. A holiday scented wax tart gets popped in the wax warmer and that my friends, is the extent of my festive expression for the season.
My mother always finds my seasonal expressions to be insufficient. I don’t think a year goes by anymore without her calling me “Scrooge” at least once regarding my lack of decoration (we celebrate Christmas in her well-decorated home every year, if I’m not celebrating gift exchange at my place, what is the point?), and my expressions of distaste regarding what passes for Christmas music these days.
I’m sorry but songs about children starving, grandma’s dying, and wives fighting a losing battle with cancer are not “touching”, “sentimental”, or “inspiring” to me. These songs are depressing as hell. I’m not sure when it came into vogue for Christmas songs to be tragic odysseys of melancholy despair…but it’s not a trend I enjoy one bit. I’ll listen to White Christmas or Jingle Bell Rock, but I don’t want to listen to heart gouging glurge. Tears in my eyes and a giant lump in my throat are not Christmas-y to me.
“But WhiteRaven, aren’t you an atheist? What are you doing celebrating a religious holiday at all? Isn’t that an admission that you actually believe?”
Christmas is just one of the current names for this celebration. The celebration itself is older than that name, or its older names like Yule or Saturnalia. The celebration is more important than the name attached to it, and I can say Christmas just fine without bursting into flames, though I usually stick to “Happy Holidays” as a greeting as it covers everyone regardless of their religious proclivities. I occasionally have had people angrily say “Merry CHRISTmas!” in response to my preferred salutation. I find this ironic and hypocritical as supposedly this is the season for peace on earth and goodwill to all mankind, yet some Christians are steadfast Holiday Hogs and don’t want to share the Season with the rest of us. And yes, I single out the Christians on this one, as I’ve never had anyone rudely snap back with “Happy HANNUKKAH!” or “Happy KWANZAA!” when I greet them with Happy Holidays. There may be some touchy celebration hoggers in those camps too I’ve just not encountered them.
I mentioned before that the celebration is more important than the name attached to it. What do I mean by that?
I’m referring to the psychological value of social connection. I will admit I’m a hermit. It’s not that I don’t value the people in my life I just don’t have that need to connect on a regular basis with people beyond my intimate circle. My mother (and I’m sure other folks) sees this as a flaw, and express that I need to “try harder” without really understanding what this means for introverted little me. I let the people closest to me know I care with specifically chosen gifts, and online shopping is my best friend in the world. Less actual shopping means less stress for me, and more people I’m willing to get gifts for, and my social circle can expand a touch as a result.
Funny, but the Santa Claus concept represents a figure that makes me look extroverted by comparison.
Think about it. The guy spends 364 days with just his wife, some reindeer, and elves (non-humans). Then on one night a year, sneaks into every home in the world to leave carefully chosen presents for people while they are ASLEEP. If that doesn’t say “I want you to know I care about you, I just don’t want to have to deal with you.” I don’t know what does.
Like Santa, it won’t kill even the most reclusive amongst us to take the time to think on our loved ones and see to it we show our appreciation by giving them a gift that shows we really DO pay attention to them, and appreciate their interests even if we don’t tell them so all the time.
Monday, November 30, 2009
State Fair Sized Infants
15 Pound Baby
Can someone tell me when the media turned childbirth into a 4-H Club contest? I turned on the news this morning to watch a newsanchor slobber all over this story. Words like "wow" and "amazing" kept getting tossed out like this behemoth infant were a prize winning heifer at the State Fair.
Are your kidding? Is the size of this kid really that much of a shock? Look at the boy's mother for crying out loud. That woman is heavy. And that's not babyweight, that's long-term lifestyle heavy. Her husband is no featherweight either, but next to her, even HE looks diminutive.
Any why is this story getting "wow"s and "awesome"s from the media table anyway? This is a kid, not a cabbage. You do not get high scores for birthing heavyweights, you get childhood health problems like diabetes, early arthritis, and obesity (there's a shocker). Just look at the pictures of this poor boy. He just looks wrong. But positive media attention is the reward. That's just great. Need we guess what kind of message that sends to people who crave attention? Get fat! Have fat kids! Have LOT'S of kids too! Odds are good you will be featured on National News at the very least. But hey...fat...health problems....AND a horde of kids? Hellloooo TLC Channel!
(When did The Learning Channel = Obesity, Little People, and SuperBreeders? Anyway...)
And the proud parents are nicknaming him "butterball". They call his sister "pork chop" (born at more than 11 pounds). My how sweet. One would hope such "nicknames" would vanish once a child was old enough to understand it's given name...but from what I've seen in my extended family...nicknames are for LIFE.
I can just hear it now...that girl will be getting ready to walk out the door with her date for Prom, and Mom walks up with the camera saying "Smile Pork Chop!"
But yeah. I Googled "heavy babies" and got lot's of results pointing towards the health concerns for these kids. Once this one's 15 minutes of fame are over, he's just destined to be another trundling toddler without the energy to play.
Sad.
Can someone tell me when the media turned childbirth into a 4-H Club contest? I turned on the news this morning to watch a newsanchor slobber all over this story. Words like "wow" and "amazing" kept getting tossed out like this behemoth infant were a prize winning heifer at the State Fair.
Are your kidding? Is the size of this kid really that much of a shock? Look at the boy's mother for crying out loud. That woman is heavy. And that's not babyweight, that's long-term lifestyle heavy. Her husband is no featherweight either, but next to her, even HE looks diminutive.
Any why is this story getting "wow"s and "awesome"s from the media table anyway? This is a kid, not a cabbage. You do not get high scores for birthing heavyweights, you get childhood health problems like diabetes, early arthritis, and obesity (there's a shocker). Just look at the pictures of this poor boy. He just looks wrong. But positive media attention is the reward. That's just great. Need we guess what kind of message that sends to people who crave attention? Get fat! Have fat kids! Have LOT'S of kids too! Odds are good you will be featured on National News at the very least. But hey...fat...health problems....AND a horde of kids? Hellloooo TLC Channel!
(When did The Learning Channel = Obesity, Little People, and SuperBreeders? Anyway...)
And the proud parents are nicknaming him "butterball". They call his sister "pork chop" (born at more than 11 pounds). My how sweet. One would hope such "nicknames" would vanish once a child was old enough to understand it's given name...but from what I've seen in my extended family...nicknames are for LIFE.
I can just hear it now...that girl will be getting ready to walk out the door with her date for Prom, and Mom walks up with the camera saying "Smile Pork Chop!"
But yeah. I Googled "heavy babies" and got lot's of results pointing towards the health concerns for these kids. Once this one's 15 minutes of fame are over, he's just destined to be another trundling toddler without the energy to play.
Sad.
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