The Holiday Incident

This was a little strange.


Last night I was stretched out in a recliner enjoying the warmth from the woodstove. I had a mug of rich creamy eggnog (Mmm nutmeg!) close at hand. From another room came the soft instrumental of White Christmas on the radio. I was feeling all drowsy and at peace with the world, when I started to hear something outside. I smiled, thinking “Carolers” when it dawned on me that it was too early in the Season yet for that.

So who were the people I could hear outside?

I went to the window and looked out. There was a mob on my front lawn trampling my snow. I might have ignored them entirely, but they had pitchforks and flaming torches.

And they were incredibly angry.

Concerned, I took another long sip of my eggnog.

“Down with the Atheist Agenda! Save Christmas!” I heard one of them yell. Well that got me a little annoyed. I went to my computer and quickly checked over my official copy of the Atheist Agenda, thinking there was something to worry about.

I went through it line by line….eating christian babies?...check…banning prayer in churches?...check…beating little old ladies on their way to Sunday Services?...check…

I went through the whole Plan. Nothing in it had anything to do with Christmas. I relaxed. I’d worried than someone in our ranks had spilled the beans and been telling tales. The person on the lawn had just been guessing.

From outside, I heard someone else cry out “We will win the War on Christmas! Save the Season!”

Shit. War? War.

I put down my eggnog. This was serious. I carefully reached for a gingerbread cookie. No cookie crumbs fell into my computer keyboard. That was good.

I checked Our website, expecting to see text of our leaders gravely discussing our declaration of War on the religious holiday.

Nothing was there.

I checked our affiliates, thinking maybe someone had gotten a little overexcited about something and fired the first shot prematurely.

Nope. So…who declared war on Christmas? I googled.

Christians. Wow. Christians had declared War on their own Seasonal celebration, but were trying to pin it on everyone else! I dunked my gingerbread into my eggnog and nibbled while listening to the rabble on my front lawn.

I was going to have to pull out the big guns to get those nutters away from my house. This was going to get messy.

Having decided, I went to my desk and grabbed three of my chosen weapons. 40% Off coupons for some big name game console at a nearby electronics store.

Regretfully, I tossed them off the balcony and into the crowd. The punching, kicking, and biting started before I’d even made it back inside.

By the time I’d finished the Religious Incident Report for my local Chapter of Evil, it was all quiet on my front lawn.

I made plans to call some friends the next day to help me with the mess outside. I did go outside briefly to gather some pitchforks and the remains of the torches. Their handles would make a nice addition to my woodstove.

Oh! Tragedy! My snowman was demolished! And bloody snow doesn’t hold together well, or look very nice. I would have to bring out the plastic Frosty the Snowman.

Just like last year.

My Relationship, My Business

So I was reading some True Confessions in the Singles section, and I started to see several variations of an "instruction" that I recall being influenced about somewhat as I was growing up (they really should re-name that website Trainwreck Confessions as there are some doozies, but anyway...).

Here it is in a nutshell: "Ladies, if He is not proposing within a year, leave him and move on. You are wasting time that could be spent on someone who WILL commit."

Maybe when I was younger, I might have considered this to be "good" advice. But now I look at these "confessions" and as I google around, honestly I find the priorities valued in this statement and others like it to be absolutely abhorrent and mercenery.

According to the Society that values such a statement...the state of Being Married is more important than WHO you are getting married to. And if a guy is not willing to shell out the money for The Ring (oh the shallow BS I've overheard regarding that ornament!), go through the ordeal of a wedding, and set up house with you within a certain timeperiod...nevermind how happy he makes you, or how content you feel about your relationship with him. Sorry, your relationship has exceeded its 'Sell By' date and must be discarded.

I'm really glad my parents raised me to see my independence and self-sufficiency as the highest priority. I never saw marriage as my life's "goal". The folks didn't raise me to view marriage as the finish line. Actually, the only finish line I had, was to complete college and get a job that paid enough for me to be able to support myself. EVERYTHING else I've done since then, is all my own.

Marriage is not something I NEED to do, or am SUPPOSED to do. I suspect that takes a lot of pressure off, as I watch other women go absolutely nutballs obsessing over their looks, their clothes, and stressing out over some arbitrary self-imposed time limit.

I remember one female associate of mine had just had her 23rd Birthday, and she said to me that she would have to get serious because: "I've got to be married before I turn 25, or I'll be the biggest Freak."

I remember those words quite well, especially as I was 25 myself when she said this to me. I occasionally wonder what became of her. Did she meet her deadline? Or did she realize that the deadline for obtaining a significant other paled in comparison to developing and loving her significant self?

I celebrated my 33rd Birthday last month. I spent it with my BF and my family at his place having a lovely dinner (he's a fabulous cook) and enjoying being together. Yet according to the "one year" BS, I should have moved on a long time ago. That is just appalling to me. I'm happy. A lot happier than I've been in relationships past. I'm not going to sabotage something wonderful because it doesn't fall into "acceptable" Social "values".

But other women would do so. They would leave, or threaten to leave a wonderful man. They would hold the relationship itself hostage in pursuit of a perceived Finish Line...a Happily Ever After (not so happy  if you are issuing Ultimatums), without realizing that a Life together only begins with a wedding. The wedding is not the end.

A Life Shared seems more precious and valuable to me than a ring, a dress, or a wedding. I wish other women felt the same way, and could see themselves as whole people instead of incomplete halves.

A Few Words On The Holidays

Just to let you know, I’m not the most holiday oriented person. My decorating is limited to one battery operated desk-friendly snowman with shifting colored lights in his belly, and two mini stockings (purple) nailed to the bedroom door.


I give the snowman a couple fresh batteries, and the stockings stay nailed to the door all year long. A holiday scented wax tart gets popped in the wax warmer and that my friends, is the extent of my festive expression for the season.

My mother always finds my seasonal expressions to be insufficient. I don’t think a year goes by anymore without her calling me “Scrooge” at least once regarding my lack of decoration (we celebrate Christmas in her well-decorated home every year, if I’m not celebrating gift exchange at my place, what is the point?), and my expressions of distaste regarding what passes for Christmas music these days.

I’m sorry but songs about children starving, grandma’s dying, and wives fighting a losing battle with cancer are not “touching”, “sentimental”, or “inspiring” to me. These songs are depressing as hell. I’m not sure when it came into vogue for Christmas songs to be tragic odysseys of melancholy despair…but it’s not a trend I enjoy one bit. I’ll listen to White Christmas or Jingle Bell Rock, but I don’t want to listen to heart gouging glurge. Tears in my eyes and a giant lump in my throat are not Christmas-y to me.

“But WhiteRaven, aren’t you an atheist? What are you doing celebrating a religious holiday at all? Isn’t that an admission that you actually believe?”

Christmas is just one of the current names for this celebration. The celebration itself is older than that name, or its older names like Yule or Saturnalia. The celebration is more important than the name attached to it, and I can say Christmas just fine without bursting into flames, though I usually stick to “Happy Holidays” as a greeting as it covers everyone regardless of their religious proclivities. I occasionally have had people angrily say “Merry CHRISTmas!” in response to my preferred salutation. I find this ironic and hypocritical as supposedly this is the season for peace on earth and goodwill to all mankind, yet some Christians are steadfast Holiday Hogs and don’t want to share the Season with the rest of us. And yes, I single out the Christians on this one, as I’ve never had anyone rudely snap back with “Happy HANNUKKAH!” or “Happy KWANZAA!” when I greet them with Happy Holidays. There may be some touchy celebration hoggers in those camps too I’ve just not encountered them.

I mentioned before that the celebration is more important than the name attached to it. What do I mean by that?

I’m referring to the psychological value of social connection. I will admit I’m a hermit. It’s not that I don’t value the people in my life I just don’t have that need to connect on a regular basis with people beyond my intimate circle. My mother (and I’m sure other folks) sees this as a flaw, and express that I need to “try harder” without really understanding what this means for introverted little me. I let the people closest to me know I care with specifically chosen gifts, and online shopping is my best friend in the world. Less actual shopping means less stress for me, and more people I’m willing to get gifts for, and my social circle can expand a touch as a result.

Funny, but the Santa Claus concept represents a figure that makes me look extroverted by comparison.

Think about it. The guy spends 364 days with just his wife, some reindeer, and elves (non-humans). Then on one night a year, sneaks into every home in the world to leave carefully chosen presents for people while they are ASLEEP. If that doesn’t say “I want you to know I care about you, I just don’t want to have to deal with you.” I don’t know what does.

Like Santa, it won’t kill even the most reclusive amongst us to take the time to think on our loved ones and see to it we show our appreciation by giving them a gift that shows we really DO pay attention to them, and appreciate their interests even if we don’t tell them so all the time.