My Relationship, My Business

So I was reading some True Confessions in the Singles section, and I started to see several variations of an "instruction" that I recall being influenced about somewhat as I was growing up (they really should re-name that website Trainwreck Confessions as there are some doozies, but anyway...).

Here it is in a nutshell: "Ladies, if He is not proposing within a year, leave him and move on. You are wasting time that could be spent on someone who WILL commit."

Maybe when I was younger, I might have considered this to be "good" advice. But now I look at these "confessions" and as I google around, honestly I find the priorities valued in this statement and others like it to be absolutely abhorrent and mercenery.

According to the Society that values such a statement...the state of Being Married is more important than WHO you are getting married to. And if a guy is not willing to shell out the money for The Ring (oh the shallow BS I've overheard regarding that ornament!), go through the ordeal of a wedding, and set up house with you within a certain timeperiod...nevermind how happy he makes you, or how content you feel about your relationship with him. Sorry, your relationship has exceeded its 'Sell By' date and must be discarded.

I'm really glad my parents raised me to see my independence and self-sufficiency as the highest priority. I never saw marriage as my life's "goal". The folks didn't raise me to view marriage as the finish line. Actually, the only finish line I had, was to complete college and get a job that paid enough for me to be able to support myself. EVERYTHING else I've done since then, is all my own.

Marriage is not something I NEED to do, or am SUPPOSED to do. I suspect that takes a lot of pressure off, as I watch other women go absolutely nutballs obsessing over their looks, their clothes, and stressing out over some arbitrary self-imposed time limit.

I remember one female associate of mine had just had her 23rd Birthday, and she said to me that she would have to get serious because: "I've got to be married before I turn 25, or I'll be the biggest Freak."

I remember those words quite well, especially as I was 25 myself when she said this to me. I occasionally wonder what became of her. Did she meet her deadline? Or did she realize that the deadline for obtaining a significant other paled in comparison to developing and loving her significant self?

I celebrated my 33rd Birthday last month. I spent it with my BF and my family at his place having a lovely dinner (he's a fabulous cook) and enjoying being together. Yet according to the "one year" BS, I should have moved on a long time ago. That is just appalling to me. I'm happy. A lot happier than I've been in relationships past. I'm not going to sabotage something wonderful because it doesn't fall into "acceptable" Social "values".

But other women would do so. They would leave, or threaten to leave a wonderful man. They would hold the relationship itself hostage in pursuit of a perceived Finish Line...a Happily Ever After (not so happy  if you are issuing Ultimatums), without realizing that a Life together only begins with a wedding. The wedding is not the end.

A Life Shared seems more precious and valuable to me than a ring, a dress, or a wedding. I wish other women felt the same way, and could see themselves as whole people instead of incomplete halves.